Whoa

WTF is what most people will form in their head as they read on. That is understandable, as what I put forth here is merely a seed, or better, a slight pause or weight shift in a step such that a new path, with a starting point recognized by your instinct, will be exposed on some level. Awareness in some will be immediate, but for most, it will have to attach (though I can’t imagine by mere repetition).

Here’s the story from the past that came into it’s long term awareness to date.

In the summer in which I was approaching my 7^th birthday, our family of 5, but with one about to be added thereto about two months after the move. My house was the last on the street, with a playground next door and beyond the fencing of the playground was a woods that lead to a creek, then back up to the next town. I learned that day the obligations that could attach to living at the start of the path into the woods. I only phrased that out today, even though that was to be the start of my lesson.

Anyway, I was meeting the kids in the neighborhood at the playground, which was overlooked by high school kids from 9 – 12, then again from 6 – 9 at night. Adults came by regularly, from the town’s organization for all of the playgrounds, probably 5 in all. There was no misbehaving allowed, not that I had even seen any of that on any level from my last grounds for interaction with no adults around.

After the playground sport and art accessories cabinet was locked up and the older kids left, one of the older kids left on the playground suggested that we all go for a hike in the woods. This is the edge of the Appalachian chain and thus hilly in some respects everywhere. I follow some new acquaintances as I go into the woods for the first time, entering at the end of the alley that runs behind my house and the boarder of which, had it continued, would run about 10 feet off the fence one of the short sides of the playground, it being rectangular. I don’t know if anyone wants such a description, but I now recognize that my brain, run entirely on instinct, would have register all of the math that was occurring in front of it. In addition, it would get done with that and start to read all peripheral stuff that came up.

We went down gradually, cutting off the main path but below the fence line, eventually by 10 or more feet, above a small rook that had emerged from the playground edge, no pipe though, just a spring like trickle at first, but now with a containment pool about 3 feet below the one foot wide path we walked. Next thing I knew, I was shin deep in the pool. However, I had landed on my feet and could still move freely, just from down there. (Here is where my instinct taught me how to negotiate in the moment.)

I look up briefly, as I was completely surprised. I don’t register anyone taking obvious responsibility and my instinct then moves to how do I go from here. I ended up working my way out of the water, to the far and lower side from the path, see a path that rejoins the rest of them as they continue to come down hill, and I put myself at the back end of the line. As I did that, though, and walking parallel, my brain was registering all of the data that they gave. I put things in that phraseology now, because the operating society had learned what data can do.

Long story short, the results of which actually taught me a second, and maybe third lesson for the day, My instinct started paying attention to all of the physical stuff that was occurring as the result of the leader of the pack picking which sub path he might take. As the last guy, I saw everything well in advance and had no problem, even though the others did from time to time. I also saw alternatives that would have worked better, at least for me. My only free time in my last neighborhood was in a newly built group of houses inside and outside of the roadway named, Horseshoe Drive. Probably 20 plus houses, with lots of woods and big creek on top of a big rock hill. My older sister and I had some adventures there, along with some other kids, out behind the houses.

After a while, I discerned that the leader had decided to head back to the alley area. My instinct then found the better path, which also contained some places that could be tricky, like the creek or a sudden rise or a tree to be averted, and off it took me, picking my speed and my footfalls without a thought by me. There was some shouting, but none of it registered with me. As I kept going, I could hear the results of a failure by those that followed to pick the correct step, or not capable of taking the next step physically. I never paid a lick of a price for my move that day, and I was never not leading when I was in the wood after that. I mean, I ended up knowing that woods better than anyone else around.

The guys in my neighborhood fought off the other townies if they came across the creek and started up the hill to our side. We had spears, made of reeds pulled from the low land mud, allowed to cure in the back yard overnight, then the root carved into a point that would stick in the bark or young growth of a tree. We used garbage can lids as shields. Once after we repelled an attack, my closest friend, the biggest guy in our age group, said that no one could hit him with a spear. I told him I could and he said to try. He was ready and I was thinking to hit him below the shield that he was holding just under his eyes. What I learned that day, though, was that my brain would throw that spear exactly right to hit what my eyes were focused upon. I hit him between the eye and his nose, “right between the eyes”. That was the target that my instinct had learned, probably from TV.

Here, though, back to the path.

I was shown, though, that day, the path of not least resistance, but best resistance, taking into consideration the dimension of time that played out in the instance.  

Much later in life, after 18 for sure, I played a lot of basketball in situations in which I was the minority race in the game, sometime to the extent of exclusiveness on my part. I have had stitches just outside my left eye twice, and on two other occasions, I had a “hard” contact broken in that eye. In all of those instances I took the punch, then rejoined the game. After the first broken contact, in River Rouge, MI, I found a piece and asked a guy if he could see the other piece in my eye as I pulled open the lids. I was aghast, but said no and I started back under the hoop. Someone asked what I was doing and I responded to no one in particular, “I can play you with one eye.”.

If you can take the first punch and stay in the game, then pick the paths of the game as it unfolds, you get to be the leader of the pack – in that moment. That last though is important. It is not necessary to be the leader at all moments. In fact, in negotiation, you are successful when you can get someone else to move to the front, and you just hang around to make sure they don’t misstep the path. If you are paying attention, you can see the opportunity for such a misstep in time to influence the awareness of both the leader and the other walkers of the alternative(s). If necessary, say if the leader has strayed, you can influence a different member to see the right path and call it out by either stepping or otherwise.